HoliDAZE

I used to fight panic attacks whenever the holidays crept up. Silly, useless, unworthy stresses. Money was tight... time with families would be stretched... growing up and the battle to feel "so adult"... watching cracks charge through a surface that I'd spent all year covering up...

Maybe it's having Miller. Maybe it's miscarrying before him and finally allowing myself to feel disappointment. Maybe it's simply finding a home in the man I call my husband... whatever the cause, I no longer let the stress of the holidays own me.

Instead I crave it. I crave the longing to see my family and watch cheeks pink from the glow of a fire. I crave the frenzy of finding the right gift to communicate how special sincere hugs can be. I crave the regret after sharing butter, chocolate, wine and less sleep.

A day is only 24 hours. And this year I plan on stretching those hours, those stresses, as long as possible.