Monday, March 12, 2012

Monday Motivators

At brunch on Sunday I sipped my coffee and casually glanced over to the table next to mine.  A woman held her baby close and effortlessly lifted her shirt to nurse him.  She continued her conversation with her friends while the words at my own table drifted away.  I sucked in my breath and bit my tongue to keep any tears at bay.

Ivy and I are in the process of weaning.  A decision I made and validated with my doctor to find balance in my hormones again.  Coupled with a lack of deep sleep, postpartum anxiety and compulsive thinking were loudly dominating any quiet moments I could find.  After six months of hoping I could just wish them away, I shared my fears out loud and watched them start to crumble.

Even though Ivy still nurses twice a day, looks up at me with a sweet busy grin, tugs my cheeks, lips, and shirt, I already miss it.  It's an ache I never realized would be so painful.

The fog that I felt like I've been creeping through these last six months has lifted significantly since I've started dropping feedings.  I can see blue skies again.

Nostalgia is sweet.  Healthy, connected, anxiety free quiet moments are so much sweeter. 
Maternite Henri Matisse, 1939*
Young Mother Nursing Her Child Mary Cassatt, 1906*
Motherhood August Renoir, 1886*
Maternite Pablo Picasso, 1963*
Ivy's first 
*images found via the lovely blog marvelous kiddo

4 comments:

Nessa Bixler said...

sorry for your mommy heart but glad that fog is lifting. thinking of you.

MamaMeg said...

I feel for you. I felt some of the same things when Jules wasn't latching and nursing was so stressful. After 3 weeks I decided to pump instead of breast feed. I thought about all the missed bonding moments and got a little sad when I saw other moms breast feeding but eventually we got in our own grove and found what worked best for us and made us all happy. Now I think when they are so young everything you do with them is a bonding moment.

Amy said...

it's definitely helped knowing other ladies who love and bond with their little ones in other ways too.

also, ivy's started kissing on command this week. that helps a lot too. :)

Chelsea said...

I'm obsessed with that picasso painting.

I NEED that for my living room.

***great blog!

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