At brunch on Sunday I sipped my coffee and casually glanced over to the table next to mine. A woman held her baby close and effortlessly lifted her shirt to nurse him. She continued her conversation with her friends while the words at my own table drifted away. I sucked in my breath and bit my tongue to keep any tears at bay.
Ivy and I are in the process of weaning. A decision I made and validated with my doctor to find balance in my hormones again. Coupled with a lack of deep sleep, postpartum anxiety and compulsive thinking were loudly dominating any quiet moments I could find. After six months of hoping I could just wish them away, I shared my fears out loud and watched them start to crumble.
Even though Ivy still nurses twice a day, looks up at me with a sweet busy grin, tugs my cheeks, lips, and shirt, I already miss it. It's an ache I never realized would be so painful.
The fog that I felt like I've been creeping through these last six months has lifted significantly since I've started dropping feedings. I can see blue skies again.
Nostalgia is sweet. Healthy, connected, anxiety free quiet moments are so much sweeter.
 |
| Maternite Henri Matisse, 1939* |
 |
| Young Mother Nursing Her Child Mary Cassatt, 1906* |
 |
| Motherhood August Renoir, 1886* |
 |
| Maternite Pablo Picasso, 1963* |
 |
| Ivy's first |
*images found via the lovely blog
marvelous kiddo
4 comments:
sorry for your mommy heart but glad that fog is lifting. thinking of you.
I feel for you. I felt some of the same things when Jules wasn't latching and nursing was so stressful. After 3 weeks I decided to pump instead of breast feed. I thought about all the missed bonding moments and got a little sad when I saw other moms breast feeding but eventually we got in our own grove and found what worked best for us and made us all happy. Now I think when they are so young everything you do with them is a bonding moment.
it's definitely helped knowing other ladies who love and bond with their little ones in other ways too.
also, ivy's started kissing on command this week. that helps a lot too. :)
I'm obsessed with that picasso painting.
I NEED that for my living room.
***great blog!
Post a Comment